The Brit Award nominations were announced today and they made me yawn, snore and then stomp about smashing things angrily. I don’t know why. I mean… there’s nothing explicitly wrong with them. They’ve nominated Kate Bush, Björk, PJ Harvey and Feist in major categories, where many other awards ceremonies might have ignored them. They’ve historically been good to women (and not just the sort of women whose careers are managed by people who think singing involves cleavage): lots of my favourite artists including M.I.A., Bat For Lashes and Robyn have been recognised by the Academy of British Songs and Noises (or whatever they are). So I’m not whinging. Not really. Not really, I’m not. Except I sort of am. Because lots of BORING people have been nominated this year (I’m too classy to name names) and lots of exciting people were left off.
I’m not surprised. I realise the Brits aren’t voted for or produced or put on solely for my enjoyment and I understand that they’re a mainstream music awards ceremony so they’re likely to feature what I consider to be beige, dull, middle-of-the-road, inoffensive, patronising, lowest-common-denominator shite. But yeah. These would be my picks if I was the only person to vote for the awards and I controlled the music industry and the world. But I don’t, so enjoy these in a theoretical and hypothetical capacity only.
Best British Solo Artist
• Kate Bush
• Laura Marling
• PJ Harvey
• Patrick Wolf
• Florence + the Machine
Best British Breakthrough Act
• Anna Calvi
• Nicola Roberts
• Cocknbullkid
• Emmy The Great
• Katy B
Best Single
• “Disaster” – JoJo
• “Virus” – Björk
• “Get Some” – Lykke Li
• “Don’t Hold Your Breath” – Nicole Scherzinger
• “Resuscitate Me” – September
• “Desire” – Anna Calvi
• “Run The World (Girls)” – Beyoncé
• “We Found Love (feat. Calvin Harris)“ – Rihanna
• “Midnight City” – M83
• “Lucky Day” – Nicola Roberts
Best British Album
• Let England Shake – PJ Harvey
• 50 Words for Snow – Kate Bush
• Anna Calvi – Anna Calvi
• King of Limbs – Radiohead
• Cinderella’s Eyes – Nicola Roberts
Best International Solo Artist
• Björk
• Tori Amos
• Feist
• Camille
• Rihanna
Best Group
• Radiohead
• Those Dancing Days
• M83
• CSS
• Beirut
Best International Breakthrough Act
• Zola Jesus
• Julianna Barwick
• Lykke Li
• tUnE-yArDs
• Oh Land
Best International Album
• Biophilia – Björk
• Night of Hunters – Tori Amos
• Ilo Veyou – Camille
• Metals – Feist
• W H O K I L L – tUnE-yArDs
Outstanding Contribution to Music
• Kate Bush
Critics’ Choice (For New Artist Yet to Release an Album)
• Lana Del Rey
